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On Tuesday May 14th, Gov. Brian Kemp of Georgia signed a very controversial abortion law that effectively bans abortions after six weeks of pregnancy, which is about the time a heartbeat is detectable. It’s being referred to as the “Heartbeat Bill”.

Immediately following this news, actress Alyssa Milano made a nationwide call for women to protest the bill, by going on a #SexStrike. To basically withhold sex from their boyfriends or husbands in protest. I say that this tactic is not only foolish but it’s a red flag. 

‘Don’t be silly! This law is archaic and takes away a woman’s right to make decisions about her own body!’ Right? ‘What’s wrong with wanting to make a change and raise awareness of this issue?’ you say.

Ok, which rock would you have to live under to be completely unaware of this bill. It has been at the top of the newsfeed, and all over every form of social media from the moment he signed it. Raising awareness is completely unnecessary for a topic like this in a 24/7 news cycle. Ok, for argument’s sake, let’s pretend that there is a small indigenous tribe in the Amazonian forest that is cut off from the rest of the world and is completely oblivious to this news.

Hmmm well the only way that they would be aware of the call for a #SexStrike would be if they had access to the same media that this news is spreading on. The point I’m making is that this ‘raising awareness’ effort is about attention seeking by narcissists who devised a poorly thought out ‘plan’ based on a knee-jerk reaction, and nothing more.

Well what does this have to do with relationship coaching? Everything. This is when red flags in a relationship expose themselves. Whether you see them and muster up the courage to do or say something about it is another matter all together.

It’s simple. A relationship between a man and a woman should be about just that. A relationship. The deep meaning that exists between you. When you met, dated, fell in love, and made long term commitments to each other, it was all about what you decided that you wanted to build and invest yourselves in. There are two people in your relationship. 

The midst of a budding relationship is not the place for mounting a political platform, with your significant other representing your political adversary. If you’re both serious about your relationship, I can guarantee that he did not sign up to be your whipping boy whenever some issue outside of your relationship pops up, and your whims to protest it well up inside of you. 

That has nothing to do with him unless you’re in a relationship with Gov. Brian Kemp. There is no room for political protests between two people, while at the same time growing that relationship. The two can’t co-exist. You are either both on the same team, or not.

If the daily news can easily turn you on your partner, you have no business being in a relationship with him. You can’t distinguish between what happens outside your relationship and what happens inside of it.

The whole idea of a #SexStrike is purely emotional. There is no logic behind it, and no way that this ‘strategy’ would ever force the changes that Alyssa Milano claims to want. 

If you think that withholding sex to punish your boyfriend or husband, for something that has nothing to do with him, will somehow undo the signing of a bill, you need to seriously re-think whether you are emotionally ready to be in a mature relationship with another adult. 

He can’t change the law. And deliberately punishing him as your ‘whipping boy’ will have no impact on the people who signed the bill. Do you really think your husband will sit down and write a letter to his congressman complaining that he wants the bill to be changed so that his wife would have sex with him again? Really? 

You can’t treat your husband / boyfriend as an adversary and at the same time, respect him and remain in love with him. It’s not possible. If this strategy makes sense to you, you are in a ‘convenient arrangement’ masquerading as a couple in a relationship. 

Any man with an ounce of self-respect would think to himself, ‘so this is what she thinks of me and what I contribute to this relationship? Which other causes will she decide to punish me for on a whim? Am I going to tolerate being treated like the enemy in my own home?’ 

Look, you are not obligated to give your man sex. He is equally not obligated to give it to you either. No self-respecting man (or woman) would tolerate being treated like a live-in perpetrator by their significant other while remaining in a relationship with them. 

Find productive and meaningful ways of expressing your opposition. Relationships are complex and challenging enough on their own. Deliberately introducing external conflict will doom it to failure. Punishing the person within arm’s reach isn’t about solving a problem. It’s about demonstrating a problem that already exists between the two of you. 

Agree? Disagree? I'd love to hear your opinion!