by S.R. Best
Is she cheating? Is she texting some other guy? Does her phone buzz at odd hours of the day (or worse night)?
When you do see her mobile phone, is it always sitting face down on the table? Does she grab the phone with cat like reflexes the instant it rings?
If you're still reading this, there's a good chance that you've been in this head space before. Maybe you're in it right now. And the only thing you can think of 24/7 is how you can find out if your suspicions are correct. You can't sleep a full night's sleep. Your appetite is basically just enough to avoid starvation. You can't focus on your job. You're obsessed and nothing you do seems to make that go away.
So, the next question is: How do you find out for sure? Should you go through her text messages? Her IM messages? Email? or worse, should you go out and buy one of those GPS devices to attach to her car? When you're in this place emotionally, your mind goes to some very suspect (and even dark) places. But before we get to the answer to this question, let's understand WHY of all things in life, suspicion of infidelity like this, has the ability to completely take over your every waking thought, and turn your world upside down.
For men, the wire that was tripped, is the Loyalty grenade. What I mean is that something is happening that is negatively affecting your confidence in your relationship.
Something beyond your knowledge. And the overwhelming thought that you just can't get out of your mind, is the question of whether she is and remains loyal to you and your relationship.
You don't have concrete evidence for it, but you just can't get it out of your mind.
There is nothing more important to a man in his relationship with his wife or girlfriend, than Loyalty.
I say men specifically, not because women don't find a man's Loyalty to be important to them, because they do. But because the degree to which Loyalty is important to a man is much deeper than just keeping a promise. It defines the lengths to which he will go to honor that loyalty to her. (For more on this see the chapter in my book called 'Security & Loyalty - The Essence')
Unless there are legal reasons and you must protect yourself or your children from danger, you don't really want to know the details. You think you do. You have yourself convinced that the evidence will give you a break from the obsession. The truth is: it amplifies it. And it often sends you into very dark and dangerous emotional places. Nothing good comes from that. Period.
But here is the Good News: You Don't Need It.
Anyone who is loyal to you and to your relationship, would never allow you to feel as though their loyalty was questionable. Not even for an instant. If you are feeling insecure about your relationship with her, and she is oblivious to that and makes no effort to dispel your fear, she isn't particularly concerned with your feelings about it. This is all the evidence you need.
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